After a delightful year of intellectual blossoming, I felt a loss of freedom. The very freedom that painted my days abroad seems to now bind me with an invisible, yet terribly tight, ribbon. The emotional weight of this transformation has, on numerous occasions, left me a sniffling mess as I refolded my garments back into my suitcase.
Reentering my familiar haven necessitates cloaking my true sense of self in a protective veil. Do you ever find your personality dimming once you're back in your childhood room upon returning home?
When I returned home, I allowed myself one final cathartic release after an altercation with a family member before I tucked away that tender part of myself with a heavy heart. Though I acknowledge this might not be the most flourishing approach, I see it as a necessary act to shield the fragile parts within. Some people are undeserving of softness if they will react and take advantage using the sword of such abuses that leads me to tears.
With a resolute sniff and a swipe at my cheeks, a mask of stoicism suddenly descended on my face. My once vibrant replies are now clipped and curt. Although this hardened exterior is far from delightful, it serves as a far better alternative to a daily deluge of tears.
I mustn't let this taint my summer season, but it will be a difficult endeavor, as it always is.
Thank you for reading !
- Carmi